the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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