Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
