my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
