my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
