i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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