just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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