My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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