she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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