And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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