dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
