these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
