Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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