i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
