did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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