Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
