I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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