I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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