Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
