the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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