im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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