she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
