so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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