I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
