but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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