Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
