im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
