Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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