she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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