Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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