I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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