it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
