We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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