Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
