You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
