If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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