at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
