I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
