I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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