You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
