so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
