Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
