Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
