I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
