I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
