If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
