you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
