The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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