i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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