at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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