I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
