not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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