My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
