I swear she didn't look like that last week.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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