just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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