Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
