I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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