I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
