i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
