I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
