I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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