I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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