hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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