doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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