you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
