Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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