when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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