I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
