Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
